Wednesday, October 28, 2009

posting this for wegohealth

no one still thinks i blog here, right? you all know to find me at dreamwidth on my other rarely-updated* public blog, right?

*this will change. someday. i swear. this summer has been particularly bad in terms of my health, plus it's only been a year since Dude lost his job and we had to move 250 miles away AND THEN BACK less than 3 months later, so i've been in a constant state of transition and craziness... which does not make for good blogginess. i just spew crap into my (protected) LJ and that's about it.

but ANYWAY, even though i do NOT blog here anymore, i am re-posting this invite from wegohealth in case anyone happens to come across this post!

Invitation: WEGO Health Exclusive, Health Activist-only webinar presentation on Wednesday, November 4th, "When to See a Reproductive Endocrinologist: 7 Key Factors."

Presented live by one of the country's leading reproductive endocrinologists, Glenn Schattman, MD, from Cornell University. This event is free and made possible by one of WEGO Health's sponsors.

Webinar attendees will gain:

  • Valuable insight to help women you know online to make informed decisions
  • In-depth medical updates - usually reserved for physicians - about the factors that all TTC women should consider
  • Exclusive direct access to Dr. Schattman during our live Q&A session

This one-hour webinar is offered at four different times on Wednesday, November 4th: Noon, 4PM, 6PM and 9PM (all times are EST)

Attendance is limited, sign up today!

To RSVP, please complete this brief survey and someone from WEGO Health will email you the logistical details shortly:

Earn $5 for RESOLVE:

To help incorporate participant ideas and feedback into later programs, WEGO Health will invite all webinar attendees to participate in a brief follow-up survey. For every attendee who completes this short survey, WEGO Health will make a $5 donation to RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association.

Questions? Contact WEGO Health at (

Marie Connelly

Community Manager

phone: 617.649.1548

fax: 617.426.5027

Follow us on Twitter:

Become a fan on Facebook:

empowering health activists to help others

hope this info is useful to anyone reading out there!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

not feeling it.

I don't feel like my actual self on this blog. I feel like Mama Bean, an online persona who has to write in a certain style. I end up blogging frequently, but not here, never here.

So I'm attempting to move... again. If you want to see any more from me, please visit me at, a blog I think I might just be able to be regular with.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

it takes a blogosphere.

I wanted to mention this a while ago, but I forgot until just now. But I loved this post from Da Momma. I liked the post in general because, you know, it was funny, and I do enjoy reading about Mare and Ren. But one thing that really stuck with me was this part:

The barn owner tells the instructor to bring a horse over and I tell Mare to get her boots off and pass them to Sister. Mare instantly complies, but the boots are tight she’s having trouble getting them off, and Ren’s waiting for her ride and … here it comes. The Meltdown.

She’s high strung. She’s dramatic. I indulged her too much as a toddler and now she has no coping skills. She’s never going to be able to manage a corporation or a surgical team or an embassy and people won’t like her and she’ll be That Girl and it’s all my fault...

“Mare, why are you freaking out???” I finally say. She stops mid-wail and looks at me with a deep exasperated sigh. She puts both hands on my shoulders and says,

“Momma. It’s what I do. I’m a person who freaks out.”

I stare stupidly.

She’s not me.

You freaking dumbass. She. Is not. YOU.

“Oh, okay,” I say.

She nods and goes back to hauling on the boots and wailing. She gets them both off, we ram them on her sister, and Doodley skips happily over to the horse and scampers up.

I loved that. "It's what I do. I'm a person who freaks out." I think it's very easy to forget about this with our kids. When your young child is throwing tantrums or doing things that you just don't want them to do, you are supposed to Do Something to make sure that they don't engage in these maladaptive behaviors for the rest of their lives. Like Da Momma said, you don't want your kid to be That Kid just because you fucked up and dealt with tantrums wrong or something.

And yeah, children shouldn't get their own way constantly and they shouldn't throw tantrums to get what they want and blah blah blah. (I know I keep mentioning tantrums a lot - Bee is the queen of tantrums, so it's nearly always on my mind.) It's great to lay down the law and help your child be a functional member of society. But at the same time, you have to step back from your child and accept the person s/he is. You can't always try to mold them into better people if you want them to love themselves for who they are and not resent you for constantly trying to change them.

So I'm logging this here so I can remember this for Bee. Had I not read it, I don't know if I'd otherwise be that level-headed during that kind of interaction. I don't know if I'd just be able to say "Oh, okay," and let her do her thing her way, even though it would be the right thing to do. I often feel like the blogosphere helps me to be a better parent. Thanks, Internet. :)

Monday, April 20, 2009

which fruits and vegetables should i buy organic?

I'm all for organic food, but it's simply not thrifty for us to buy 100% organic everything every time we shop. We decided that we'd make sure to buy organic for the most contaminated fruits and veggies, and not worry as much about the cleanest ones.

Here is a fantastic list that ranks fruits and veggies based on their pesticide load. I found at, which is apparently run by EWG (Environmental Working Group).

(Feel free to comment and tell me how to get this huge space out of the middle of the post, as I have no clue.)

1 (worst)Peach100 (highest pesticide load)
3Sweet Bell Pepper83
10Grapes - Imported66
13Collard Greens60
16Green Beans53
17Summer Squash53
21Grapes - Domestic44
28Winter Squash34
31Honeydew Melon30
33Sweet Potato29
41Sweet Peas - Frozen10
45Sweet Corn - Frozen2
47 (best)Onion1 (lowest pesticide load)

I hope this is as useful to someone out there as it is for us!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

siftables, the future of computers. or blocks. or both.

Okay, this is really cool. This is an example of the kind of thing Dude is interested in professionally. He has actually met this guy, but only tangentially. Anyway, whether or not Dude finds it interesting is irrelevant, because this shit is awesome.


If you have high expectations/standards set for the people in your life, you will continue to be disappointed when they fail to reach them. This can cause annoyance and frustration on your part as well as resentment on the part of the people in your life.

I'm not saying you should expect (or accept) the worst from the people around you. But if you expect everyone to be perfect, you will be disappointed and they will be hurt.

Do expectations really have to be that high? What if you step back from the standard you have set and just evaluate people as they are? Are they really that bad, despite not living up to YOUR expectations for them? Can you accept them for who they are? If so, let it go. It can only help both sides. If not, I suspect the problem is on your end. You are not perfect. Why expect perfection from others?

I'm working hard on this, especially when it comes to ME. I will never live up to any impossibly high standards I set for myself. But when I take a step back and look at myself as I am now, not living up to these expectations at all, I see that I'm actually just fine. In fact, I like myself better and am more relaxed when I just accept that I am where I am. I'll get to those high standards if/when I get there, and there's no need to feel bad about myself in the meanwhile.

Same for everyone else. The people in my life are going to fuck up, and I am going to love them anyway. People say and do hurtful or insensitive things constantly, but I can't expect them to never do these things. What I can do is accept that they will do these things, that we will communicate about them if necessary, and then we will move on. I don't want to have high expectations for other people. It is not fair to me or the other person.

I don't want anyone to have high expectations for me. I'm doing fine the way I am. I'll never be perfect and I don't want to be. I think about teachers in my past and how many of them said I wasn't living up to my potential. If I worked really hard, I could be a straight-A student. If not, I would continue as a B/C student. I felt like I should try harder, should do better, and yet I never did and I felt bad about myself constantly.

Looking back, WHO THE FUCK CARES? So I didn't live up to my potential. Big fricking deal. I learned a lot of important things and I am still learning today. Maybe I am not living up to my potential now, and I'm okay with that. I am happy and content with the way I am living now. My husband and daughter seem happy and content as well.

So fuck it. Even if I had the potential to do things way better than I'm doing them today, it's not worth the stress and the constant sense of failure. I'd rather be a happy-go-lucky C student who's surprised by and proud of the occasional A or B than an anxious A student who berates herself for the occasional B or C. And sure, it'd be great if we could all be straight-A students without the stress or anxiety or self-deprecation, but we can't. At least, I'm not one of those people who can. I don't want to lay that trip on my daughter, either. I'd rather have her be a functional, happy, self-accepting person than someone who lives up to her potential in school.

I've been told often that I am too laid-back about things, but that's the way I am and that's the way I want to be. I'm proud of not forcing myself to live up to my potential. I'm glad I'm accepting where I am. I'm excelling at relationships, so I don't care if I have no motivation towards a career or going back to school or being the perfect homemaker. I am where I am, and I'm doing just fine, and I have no desire to try to do even better than fine. I'd rather be content with what I have than constantly striving towards a goal I'll never reach.

I'm very happy I've finally reached that point, although many might look at this and feel like I'm giving up. But I just don't care. Maybe my house is messy and I'll never get a master's degree or a "real job" and our budget is stretched thin and I quit my work-from-home job because I hate it and we eat the same thing for dinner 4 times a week and we get pizza too often and we fail at our color-coded cleaning schedule and I don't keep up with my writing and I don't shower every day and sometimes we forget to brush Bee's teeth and and and and... I just don't care. I just can't give a shit anymore. Even with all that, we're a happy and healthy family, so why harp on all the things I'm NOT doing?

We seem to be thriving on imperfect, and all that happens when I attempt to do things beyond my capability is that I feel like a failure. This is bad for my mental health, day-to-day life, parenting ability, and relationship. When I stop freaking out about the clutter and the dirt and the fact that it's crockpot stew for dinner AGAIN, I can finally feel good about myself. I'm doing a fantastic job in terms of being a happy and well-adjusted person, an attentive and nurturing mother, a supportive and loving wife, and a caring and generous friend. And even when I don't do as well at those things as I'd like, it's okay because I'm human and I'm bound to slip up every now and then.

"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin. Real life. But there was always something in the way. Something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time to still be served, a debt to be paid, then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life." - Alfred D'Souza

I guess what I'm trying to say is, suck it world, I'm fine the way I am. I'm not going to wait around until I'm perfect to love myself and enjoy my life. It is what it is, and what it is is JUST FINE.

Monday, April 6, 2009

this is my kind of mom.

I just discovered The Pioneer Woman, and OH MY GOD LOVE. I especially liked this post on homeschooling. (For the curious, I don't have plans to homeschool the Bee, although I haven't ruled it out either. It's certainly something I'd consider, but not something I'm planning for. As of now, I think it is more likely that Bee will be in public school, but that door is still open.)

An excerpt:

And when you have a baby or a toddler and you homeschool—fuhgettabouta schedule. There is poop when there should be math. And there’s crying when there should be literature. And with that color-coded schedule that lasted four whole days, if something got in the way and you missed a thirty-minute block of time, you were screwed—there was no more time in the day to be had. And all I did when I tried hard to stick to a rigid schedule was fail, and then I’d feel like a loser, and that wasn’t fun. Because I’m not a loser, dang it. I’m not. No, I’m not. Stop saying that. I’m not.

Leaving out the homeschool part, the post echoes my own shiny new approach to mothering: the relaxed approach. I once scheduled out every hour of every day in order to achieve all the goals I had in mind to work towards being, well, Little Miss Perfect. Every single day had absolutely everything I needed, scheduled in beautifully manageable chunks. See? I laughed outright at the Pioneer Woman's description of her color-coded schedule, because it sounds EXACTLY like MY color-coded schedules. In theory they seem totally great and are aesthetically pleasing to boot. I would try to make easy schedules that seemed fool-proof, but you know what they say. Make something idiot-proof, and they'll make a better idiot.

So I have stopped setting myself up for failure. I have stopped giving myself a million goals to accomplish in a day or week or month. I try to do what I can, and if it doesn't happen, I don't tell myself I'm a failure. No more rigidity - it doesn't help me, Dude, or Bee. We get through the day, every day, in whatever way works, and we feel good about ourselves while doing it.

I've got no clue if this approach is going to produce any particular future outcomes that I might want or not want. I like to think that a calm, laid-back lifestyle is good for the whole family. But even if things don't turn out the way I expect them to in the future, it doesn't matter. I can't stress out about being the perfect mom or perfect housewife in anticipation of providing my daughter (and any future children) with some sort of perfect life. We're enjoying the imperfect life we do have, taking pride in our abilities while accepting our limitations.

So yeah. I'm not as concerned about what the future will bring or whether I'm doing things the right way. My daily routine is flexible and less goal-oriented, and it's working out so much better. Just like the Pioneer Woman, some of our days are awesome and some are not-so-awesome, but they all go with our general flow. If things turn out amazingly, great! If not? Well, I guess I'll close with a line from the post...

But I refuse to believe it will be because I chose to wipe my baby’s bottom with that color-coded schedule rather than let a piece of paper tell me when I had to make my bed.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

how not to blog.

I compose blog posts in my head several times a day. Some of them are awesome. You'd probably enjoy them. They never seem to make it from my head to my fingers to the keyboard to the screen, though. The process gets interrupted very easily.

An online friend of mine made me think about how bloggers change once they become parents. Pre-Bee, I would post constantly to my own online journal (not here) and to communities related to women's reproductive health. It's just not that easy now.

During the time it's taken me to type out these two paragraphs, with absolutely no editing, Bee has turned my cell phone on and off twice, thrown it across the room once, and threatened to throw it down the stairs three times. She also sat down, patted the area next to her, and said "Mama" until I came and sat next to her. Currently, she is nursing while punching me in the chest and kicking me in the armpit. Sure, I could blog while she's asleep, but being that she is not the world's best sleeper, naptime is my chance to get anything done that's easier to do without her awake.

So I'll give you a quick update on her first and then me. She is nearly 16 months old. She is getting approximately 200 teeth at once, and I did not know there was even enough room in her small head for that, but apparently there is. She's a very verbal child, and she (as I've mentioned) loves to read. She memorizes books very quickly, and because of this she has learned things that amaze me.

For example, she can correctly identify the numbers 1-7, out of order and out of context, thanks to Sandra Boynton's Hippos Go Berserk! (a book I thoroughly recommend). This is brand new, just started this weekend, and BLOWS MY MIND. We went to my in-laws' house on Sunday for dinner, and she picked up pieces of a number puzzle and just went to town. "Theeeeee!" she beamed proudly, picking up the 3. "Doooo." (2.) "Poor." (4.) "Pa-kiiiiiive." (5. 5 is always pronounced just like that. She cannot pronounce Fs so they come out as some sort of interesting PK amalgam.) "Bebben." (7.)

"Stop teaching her this stuff," my father-in-law warned. "You don't want her to end up smarter than you." This is true. I don't want to be outsmarted by a 1-year-old. How was I to know that reading a book about hippos approximately 700 times a day would start me down that path?

She also can correctly identify yellow, blue, and red. She gets green right every now and then. If she's not sure what a color is (e.g. brown, orange, pink, purple) she will tell you it's yellow with a very proud grin and an "I'm-totally-acing-this" look on her face, followed by applause.

She is also starting to figure out how to climb. She is going through such a shift over these past few months, from baby to young toddler to SUPER TODDLER, and it blows my mind. Last summer, this was the baby who rolled over ONE TIME and refused to do it ever again. Now she's moving furniture around to see if she can, in fact, jump out the 3rd floor window, because that sounds like a good plan.

So let's move on to me. I know I've linked to this in other places, but possibly not here... WEGO Health did a spotlight interview on me, which is REALLY COOL because I have always assumed that no one cares about what I have to say. I am also blogging occasionally for Massachusetts Friends of Midwives, along with several other bloggers.

In our personal life, things are going quite well for me and Dude. We are at the phase of "settled in the new house" where there are still definitely some things left to do, but they are so minor and easy to procrastinate that they never get done. But that's okay. I've also kind of given up on trying to be Super Housewife. Because who cares? At the end of the day, there might be dried food under Bee's high chair and dust on the shelves and a sink full of dishes that no one wants to take care of. But Bee and I are happy and healthy and well-fed, and Dude and I have an amazing relationship with each other and our daughter. We all enjoy each other every day.



When it boils down to it, our family dynamic is supremely awesome, and that's the most important thing, isn't it? I'm not saying we live in squalor (my mother may disagree), just that the house is rarely tidy these days, but we all love each other and are taking care of ourselves and each other. And that is all that matters.

Someday I will write about nursing a toddler. About how Dude and I are hoping for a 2010 baby and a planned homebirth. About Fertility Awareness Method and how we have used it to avoid as well as try for pregnancy. All these posts and more are brewing in my head and itching to be typed out. But some other time, I suppose, because my Bee is falling asleep at the breast. I'd like to put her down and maybe work on some of those non-priorities mentioned above.

So for now I shall leave you with this, the true marker of a successful day... playground time.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


I am not going to post today really, but I identified with some of the feelings in this, so go read that instead.

The one noteworthy thing: Bee's 15 months old today! As of about 5 minutes ago.

I will tell you what I want to post about, though:
-nursing a toddler and the benefits of extended breastfeeding
-recipes for curried beets & tofu, veggie couscous, crockpot minestrone soup, super easy Spanish rice, and "un"fried beans
-thoughts on when to begin the quest for baby #2, tandem nursing, homebirthing, and such

Instead, I will leave you with Bee's favorite TMBG podcast. I cannot so much as look at the laptop around her without her begging to watch one of these. She's started saying "please" out loud while signing it, and it is very hard not to give her whatever she wants. She makes an angelic face, signs it, and says "Peez?" with her voice inflecting up at the end. It's terribly cute and she knows it.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

head to toe.

Bee's a reading girl. She's obsessed with books and wants us to read to her constantly. She has memorized her favorites and has created little verbal or physical (or combination) routines for nearly every single book.

Two of her favorite topics are animals (especially the sounds they make) and body parts. She can tell you the sounds made by: dogs (bow-wow), cats (meow), birdies (tee-tee), mousies (skeek-skeek), chicks (peep-peep), hens (buk buk kaaaa), horses (neigh thbbttt), monkeys (ooooh ahh), sheep (baaaaa), goats (mehhh), lions (raaaa), dragons (raaaa), donkeys (haw-haw), geese (honk honk), pigs (a failed attempt at snorting), snakes (sssssssssss), elephants (thbbbpttt), seals (arf arf), owls (hoo hoo), frogs (bit bit), and... you know what? I'm going to stop, because I thought I was done at elephants, and then I thought I was done at each of the next four, and I feel like I could spend way too long thinking about all the animals in all the books and puzzles we have downstairs, and my brain can't stop. (I just remembered crocodiles, snap, should be on the list.)

Anyway, she never refers to the animals by name, only by sound. And whether she sees an animal in real life, a photograph, a cartoon drawing, a painting, on a puzzle piece, or what have you, she can usually guess what animal it is and tell you the right animal sound without being asked.

Body parts are her other favorite. She can identify, on herself as well as other people, animals, and pictures of people or animals: head, hair, eyes, eyebrow (ah-bow), ear (eeee), nose (nooo), teeth (tee), tongue, mouth, chin, neck, chest, arm (she pronounces this the same way Homestar Runner does), elbow (bo-bo), hand, fingers, tummy, belly button, knee (knee), legs, feet (eet). The ones without parentheses are the ones she doesn't say out loud, but will point to when asked.

So if you know the book From Head to Toe by Eric Carle, you might guess that this is one of Bee's favorite books of all time. A body part to move AND an animal sound to make for each page? Could there BE a better book?

I'll agree that this is a great book. And we love Eric Carle. Heck, back in 2004, when we were in college, my parents met Dude's parents for the first time, and we all went to the Eric Carle Museum of Picture Book Art together. Still, though, I find myself hiding it a lot. The way Bee feels about this book shows off her feisty toddler personality, which I love to pieces. She is so funny and passionate and melodramatic.

It goes like this. I'll be doing something or other, picking up toys or tidying up the kitchen or sitting on the couch, while Bee is perusing her bookshelf. She spies it - the best book ever, From Head to Toe, sitting there on the shelf, waiting for her. If you think it's going to be greeted with a huge grin, or some positive expression at all, you're wrong.

The anger begins. She yanks the book off her shelf, hollering madly, running to me with the biggest, grumpiest pout on her face.

She's mad because this book was on the SHELF! On the SHELF, Mama! We haven't been reading this ALL THIS TIME! How DARE you?

Trying not to laugh, I calm her down, and I even get her to sign "please" with a big smile. She enjoys the first few pages with an I've-missed-you franticness that is slowly lost as she tries unsuccessfully to turn her head (she always turns all the way around) or raise her shoulder (she does this knee-bend pelvic thrust thing). We bark at the seal and meow at the cat, and everything's fun. We're having a good time.

We turn to the elephant page. The lower lip trembles. She makes the elephant sound and stomps her foot with me, and I turn the page. To the very last page. She hardly lets me read it, refuses to wiggle her toe with me, and resumes the pre-book anger as soon as I snap the book closed. Sometimes at this point, she hurls herself to the floor, wailing about the injustice of the world, the world with never-ending books, the world with Mamas who actually go so far as to HIDE books.

Most of the time, she can get it together, sign "please," bring me the book with a teary smile. If so, I'll read it again, maybe even another 5-10 times in a row, opening right back to the first page as soon as I finish reading the last page, and just when I think I'll lose my mind she loses interest. I hide the book in the couch, knowing that somehow, it will find its way off the couch and onto the floor and then back onto the shelf, and it will happen again before I know it.

Know what would be great? An opera about the life of a toddler, filled with emotion and melodrama and passion and singing.

Friday, February 27, 2009

i have never looked half as chipper when ill as my daughter does.

Went to bed feeling queasy, full of Tums and Alka-Seltzer. Woke up at 2:30 am to a very sad and confused baby covered in barf. (She went to bed feeling queasy, too.)

The three of us all woke up together about five hours later to discover that we had whatever stomach bug has been going around. Bee is also dripping with snot and sneezing a lot, but she's otherwise a trooper. But she's like that. Past evidence:

(This is from last June. She had a temperature of 103 degrees when I snapped this picture. She had just been sitting up, playing happily. I took a couple pictures of her, and then when I went to pick her up, I realized she was burning up and feverish. I felt SO guilty...)

But anyway, what I'm trying to say is that she doesn't always act ill (or tired) when she actually is. Which is what she's doing today, running around at top toddler speed.

May the babysitter gods bless us tonight, because neither of us has the energy to keep up today. Cursed stomach bugs. February's always the worst month of the year, so I guess it just had to slap us in the face one last time before disappearing.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

is this bitch kidding?

Just read this (click to open a larger version)...

Is this woman for real? Has she ever even seen children? For someone who purports to be the "best friend" of a mother, she sure has the wrong idea about child-rearing. I can see why her "best friend" never bothers to call or e-mail her.

I mean, let's say that you've spent your day chasing around a child with 100 times more energy than you will ever have, you never got the chance do ANY of the chores you wanted to, you ate one crappy meal and are starving and have no chance to feed yourself, naptime was a huge battle, and a poopy diaper got smeared all over the wall. Once your kid is asleep for the night, go ahead and call your bitchy friend who doesn't get it and listen to her judge you for not wanting to go hang out with her needy ass. Afterwards, why not stick yourself in the eyeball with a fork? Make the day complete!

I've got several dedicated child-free friends, and even though we clearly don't agree on whether or not we want to raise kids, we can still respect and understand each other's choices and have fun together. Parent or not, no one wants to spend time with someone who doesn't understand them or their lifestyle. Maybe this is what's going on with this mom and her friend?

hottest husband.

(Okay, so while I firmly believe that my husband is the hottest husband of them all, he has not been entered in Redbook's Hottest Husband contest for 2009. But I just had to preface this post by declaring my strong attraction to my extremely good-lookin' guy.)

FireDad of Stop, Drop and Blog fame is one of the top 25 finalists for Hottest Husband 09. Check out FireMom's post on it, read about FireDad on the finalist website, and vote for Joshua H!

Oh, dear, I just saw that one of the finalists has the last name Kuntz. That must have been rough growing up!

different ways to spend the day.

Last night, Dude found the coaster holder I'd been searching for all day wedged between the couch and the wall.

"Was Littles playing with this today?"

"Oh, that's where it went! Last time I saw it, she'd brought it into the bathroom. She was smooshing her face into it while I was sitting on the toilet."



"Your days are just SO different from mine."

Monday, February 23, 2009

blah blah blah.

A week ago, there were movers traipsing through my house, moving large items of furniture and huge boxes. My eyeballs were whirling with the sight of an unpacked, toddler-unsafe house filled with Things To Do.

You should see this place. It looks SO much better. Once it's all set up, I'll do a photo tour so y'all can see it. Where ARE you guys, anyway? Is anyone still here? Did you all get mad and leave because I've been away so long?

Anyway, I've got nothing of value for right now. I'm only on to find a recipe for dinner, and it looks like Moroccan eggplant with couscous is the lucky winner. Whee.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

oh em gee

Sign on I-95N in Needham, MA

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

i made it, and now i have a mountain to unpack.

I ended my last post saying that there was a lot of good coming and I just had to get there.

I'm there!

After almost 3 months of shuffling back and forth between parents' houses and temporarily living apart, Dude and I finally have a home of our own again! (Well, it's a rental home, but whatever.) The cats are at Dude's aunt's house, so once they move in, my little family will be all back together again.

I'm loving the new place. We moved in on Monday. It is Wednesday. I have a lot of unpacking to do. But now that I have an actual DESK with my LAPTOP on it, and now that I am getting back into my routine, be prepared for me to come back to this blog with open arms.

I have all kinds of ideas about delicious recipes I want to share with you (like my crockpot minestrone soup that is BARELY ANY EFFORT but better than Olive Garden's), and I've decided to start sharing pictures of the family, and a bunch of other things. I was thinking about having this blog be kind of... anonymous in a sense, I guess? But it isn't anyway, and how can I keep this kid to myself? I mean, look at her:

So stay tuned, blogosphere, because I am coming back in a big way.

Monday, January 19, 2009

crazy day.

One of Dude's friends recently told him that for the past several months, every time he (Dude) starts a conversation with anyone, he always says, "I'm sorry, I've had a crazy day."

We've had a lot of crazy days, I guess! 2008 was rough for us. March through July, my back was completely out and I couldn't care for myself and the baby. Dude got a new job in April, and he started the same day we moved into an apartment. July ended with a nice case of hand foot and mouth disease for the Bee. In August and September, I was feeling really under the weather and we're still not sure why. October started with my birthday and a fabulous trip to the Dominican Republic which was quickly followed by Dude being laid off and us having to move out of our apartment and in with my parents. This took up November and December as well, which were also full of "What are we going to do with our lives?" type stress and a job hunt.

2009 is starting out marginally better, with a fantastic job offer for the Dude at a company he is really enjoying so far. Also, he found us a super awesome (rental) house that we will start moving into next month. We are currently doing the long-distance relationship, with him at his parents' house working while I am here at my parents' house 250 miles away, managing the toddler. (My parents' house is just a better set-up for me and the Bee.)

This part is definitely a suck-fest. My mother is away, so it is just me and my father, and he usually leaves for work before we get up and comes home soon before bedtime. Bee is super clingy in the evenings, so I pretty much never get a break from her.

However, the nice thing is that there are good things on the horizon. I have lots of things to look forward to. So while the days can be long and frustrating, filled with tantrums and "no" and sobs about "DAAAAADAAAAAAAAAA" (oh how she misses him), I am so grateful for all the wonderful things that are awaiting us. There is so much good coming. I just have to get there.

I feel like I've done a pretty good job during Bee's babyhood, especially considering all the setbacks we endured. But I worry for her toddlerhood. Having worked for several years in the baby room of a childcare center, I can tell you that once they hit that phase that they hit sometime between 12 and 18 months, I was ready to show them the door. Bye-bye, toddlers! Go up to the toddler room, and let's find a cuddly 3-month-old to take your spot. Bee is hitting that phase nicely right now, at 13 months. Running around, speaking her mind, and understanding the world in this new way. It's amazing, but it also puts us into the world of temper tantrums and wanting to do things her way RIGHTNOW, and I wonder what happened to that small creature I used to snap into the bouncy seat and watch drift off to AIR as I jiggled the seat with my foot and browsed the Internet.

No, this is definitely a far cry from that. High-energy parenting. And all the craziness of moving around and being away from Dude and dealing with emerging toddlerhood has taken a toll on my energy.

But there's something so rewarding about the way she throws her arms around my legs and said "Mama!" and makes her "hug noise." (She makes this little grunt whenever she hugs us. It's cute.) And she knows when to pour it on, too. Yesterday she was being such a little punk, and when I finally sighed her name in exasperation and told her I might sell her to the gypsies, she leaned in to my face, said "MMMM-WAH" with her lips pressed into my cheek, cuddled into my chest, and said "Hi, Mama." That's what I love about this phase versus bouncy-seat phase. She was so cute and fun then, but she interacts with me in such a different way now and I just love it.

So I guess I can keep handling these crazy days. There are good things on the horizon, and she knows how to help me keep going when I'm at my wit's end.

There is so much good coming. I JUST HAVE TO GET THERE.

Thursday, December 18, 2008


You know you've had a shitty day when you're sitting in absolute silence, but all you can hear is the sound of your child screaming in your head, playing on repeat at full blast. That and the sound of your heart, still thudding loudly in your chest, because your blood pressure is so high that your veins might explode.

Thankfully, there's a bunch of chocolate chip mint brownie ice cream in the freezer, a Dude to cuddle, and some funny shit on YouTube to watch, because I don't think I could handle it otherwise.

My mother-in-law always tells her, "You're lucky you're cute," and OH MAN is she right. I love this kid beyond belief, but her attitude right now? AAAAH. If it's this bad now, how am I going to get through the terrible twos? Or middle school? Or the teenage years?

Friday, November 28, 2008

mommy spice posts.

When I was writing for Mommy Spice, I somehow neglected this blog a lot, which is dumb, because if you know me, you know I can easily write for more than one blog at a time. But the past few months have been rough.

Anyway, since I have not posted here in quite some time, I thought I'd link to the other stuff I was writing at this time over at Mommy Spice.

A Day in the Life of Super-WAHM
Kids' CDs We Love
On Mobility

Working From Home
Strong Woman
Vacation, All I Ever Wanted
It Takes a Village
Weird Art
Vacation Stuff
Mama Body Image
Sleep Regression Woes
The Importance of Playgroups
Finger Foods
An Evening Without Baby
One Way to Look Like a Weirdo
Father-Daughter Time
Trimming the Talons
Cheap Green Baby Stuff
The Changing Seasons
Bee's Current Favorite Toys

Grandparent Love
Torture Chamber
Baby's First Infestation
Gentle Nap Training
I Don't Wanna
How to Prepare for Parenthood
Saved by the Power of Snuggles
Sippy Cup Success
I'm Still Here

Lansinoh Ultra-Soft Disposable Nursing Pads
Resourceful Husband Award
Please Let This be a Sign of Good Things to Come

After all the shit that happened in October that I just posted about earlier tonight, I let my entire Internet presence fall by the wayside, so that's where it ends. Unless they let me back on. We'll see.


OH GOD WHERE HAVE I BEEN. Mentally, my brain is still insisting that it's October where it's almost December. So I haven't just been neglecting my blog, but I've been in a tailspin and neglecting nearly every single thing except for my husband and daughter. (Hey, they're the ones who really matter, right?)

I don't have a great excuse for what happened in September (the last time I blogged here), because technically I could have spent more time writing. I actually hadn't been feeling so well for a little while, and I'm still not sure what was up, but I was having this serious chronic fatigue issue that just would not quit. Blood tests revealed nothing, but there were days upon days where all I wanted to do was sleep. So I'd been pretty bad at the Internet. And I didn't even care, because my non-computer-centric life seemed to fall so far behind that catching up on weeks' worth of e-mail seemed impossible. And far too tiring.

That's okay, I thought, as September drew to a close. October will be better. October has always been my favorite month. It starts with my birthday and ends with Halloween, my two favorite holidays. And I absolutely love autumn in the Northeast, and I really feel it begin in October.

The first two weeks of October promised to be particularly awesome. It was my first birthday as a mom, which was exciting. Two days after my birthday, Dude, Bee, and I had plans to fly to the Dominican Republic for a sorely-needed-by-all vacation for five days. I hoped this vacation might rid me of my fatigue issues, figuring that sometimes a little R&R away from home does the trick. Upon returning home, we'd visit my parents for a couple days, then drive back home with my mom, and then my cousin would be flying in from Detroit for a conference and visit. Maybe I'd be feeling normal again by then. I could catch up on my online life, go visit the friends and family I'd neglected, start going back to playgroup, perhaps even arrange a new weekly meeting with a few moms I know and like, et cetera et cetera. You know, all those enjoyable parts of day-to-day life that I was excited to return to. The month would round out with Bee's first Halloween. Doesn't that sound lovely? It sounded lovely to me.

And it was lovely. At least, the birthday and vacation and Halloween were. I never did go back to playgroup, sadly for Bee, and I'm only now starting to get back online. It's all the other shit that hit the fan, and the fact that I already felt "behind" on life after an energy-less September where even considering brushing my teeth before bed wore me out, that started this chain of crazy events that I'm not even sure sound believable anymore.

We returned home to a serious structural issue in our entryway, leading to our building being temporarily condemned and us having to stay in a hotel while my mom and cousin were visiting. When we were let back in, we had to enter and exit through the EXTREMELY TERRIFYING and seemingly unsafe fire escape WITH A FREAKING INFANT. Then, completely unrelated, part of a ceiling panel collapsed in Bee's room, which is connected to our room. When opening my bedroom door one day while holding Bee, I found a FUCKING SQUIRREL running across my bed. I'll admit that I'm definitely high-strung when it comes to rodents running through my house, so I FREAKED OUT. What the hell, man? Here we are entering and exiting through the fire escape with a baby, trying to entertain family guests, and a squirrel falls in through the roof in my baby's room, a yard from her crib?

Once that mess was cleared up, the three of us came down with a miserable virus. Dude returned to work, and I felt like ass. And it was about time to follow up with my doctor on that whole fatigue issue thing. I decided to call after getting Bee down for a nap. Bee fell asleep on me, and as I started moving towards her room to put her in her crib, Dude called and woke her up. Dude never calls during naptime, just in case such things occur, so I was annoyed that the ONE time he didn't follow this rule happened to be the ONE time I needed him to.

But he called to tell me that he was laid off from his job effective immediately, thanks to the economy fucking his company up the rear. The extra shitty part? We had planned this vacation back in April, when he got hired at that job. They told him he might not have enough vacation time, but that he'd accrue it by the end of the year and it would just put his vacation balance into the negative. I mean, that happens in tons of places, and I've scheduled vacations like that before. And his being laid off was totally unexpected; I mean, prior to this, they were talking about promoting him at his one-year review. So since we had just gone on vacation, he was left with EIGHT HOURS OF SEVERANCE PAY.

Also shitty? Since it was the end of a pay period, they were canceling our insurance. So that doctor's visit never happened. So... that sucked. Because Dude and I weren't exactly rolling in dough in the first place. I mean, things were SUPER tight and difficult prior to this, and we didn't have much in the way of savings, and we were a one-income family. Sure, I work from home, but I don't earn enough to support me by myself in a cardboard box on the Charles River, let alone enough to support a husband and baby.

Somehow, I managed to luck out even more and develop mastitis within a day or two of him losing his job. I don't know if you've had mastitis before, but let me tell you right now, it sucks. And not having insurance isn't exactly helpful, especially because mastitis can develop into an abscess, and that was the last thing I needed. Dr. Google taught me all about the amazing antibiotic properties of allicin, found in garlic, and thankfully, that did cure me. I smelled like a freaking garlic factory for days, but according to my mother, that's nothing new.

On October 30, I said, "Listen up, October. You've got one more day to redeem yourself. So get on that." Within an hour, I started menstruating. My first real period since Bee's birth. So basically, October this year? Failed. Miserably. I give it a rating of February, which is obviously the worst month in existence. So fuck you, October, right in your fucking ear. And Mom, if you're reading this, yes you can curse on mommy blogs, and yes I know that curse words don't sound ladylike, and I'm sorry but no I will most likely not stop.

Dude has not yet found a job, has been given the run-around by a few places that are dangling him by the balls outside a window, and in general hasn't been very hopeful what with the current economic environment and the fact that it's holiday season. Hiring has slowed down/stalled in a lot of companies. We can't afford to keep paying for rent and bills and groceries on his measly unemployment checks, which by the way were FIVE WEEKS LATE, which sucked extra hard. So we have packed up ourselves, our cats, and about 75% of our shit, and drove them 250 miles down to my parents' house, where we are currently residing. Which definitely has a lot of benefits, but since I'm here to vent right now, is also sad because we miss our home and our friends. And it sucks further because moving in general sucks, especially when you're leaving a place you really like, and more so when this is your third move in 18 months.

The most frustrating part is that we're not even sure if we're going to stay here, because he's still waiting to hear back from one place. If they make a good offer, we might just move all this shit right back, which would suck. But if they don't make a good offer, who knows when he might get hired? And since we don't know what's going on, it makes it so much harder to figure out what to do. Do we move the last of our furniture, buy a bunch of baby-proofing gear and set this place up? Or do we wait in limbo, not really settled anywhere?

And I haven't even told you about Bee yet. She's going to be ONE! YEAR! OLD! in less than two weeks, started walking at the end of October/beginning of November and is now an old pro, and is in the midst of a HUGE verbal boost and is learning at least one new word a day. And she's just picking them up out of nowhere, man! Like, today at snack, she learned the word "cheek," and before bed, she randomly patted my cheek and said "CHEEK!" and then touched her own cheek and said it again. We're into parts of the face right now. "Nose" is the reigning favorite, and "teeth" was one she learned two days ago and also really likes talking about. She's also obsessed with babies. And, I'm not sure where or when this started but I think I'm going to blame my parents for this one, but she also has a firm grip on the word "no" now and is kind of obsessed with things she isn't supposed to do. I don't even have to say it. If she goes for my cell phone and I calmly move it out of her reach and try to distract her with something else, she points at my phone, wags her finger, says "No no no," and bursts into tears.

And, in case I haven't mentioned it yet, she got FOUR TEETH in the past month and a half. For those of you who weren't sure, for the record, having an infant who is simultaneously getting four teeth as well as going through a big developmental spurt culminating in walking and talking is difficult all on its own, because while their brains work on all that stuff at once, they get totally cranky and needy and easily irritated and stop sleeping. Or at least my kid does. Which, for the curious, really didn't help this whole oh-my-god-Dude-is-unemployed-we-have-no-money-what-the-fuck-do-we-do thing. But I think that phase is over, at least. The super cranky working-on-everything-at-once bit, not the what-the-fuck-do-we-do bit, because that is still going strong.

So yeah. It's been crazy-go-nuts over here, and the last thing I've had time to do is sit down and blog about it. But I've desperately wanted to. I do enjoy writing. It does have therapeutic value for me, and it helps me calm down and organize my thoughts, which would have been really useful these past months.

On the good side, Dude and I feel like our relationship has really strengthened since we're together so much, he's gotten to spend way more time with our daughter than he would have had he been working, we're feeling very thankful that we have a place to go and options that will help solidify our future, I'm getting to spend lots of time with my family, and last but certainly not least, Bee is just so freaking cute. This is such a fun phase, and I know I've said that for every phase she's gone through, but this is what I love about children: watching them grow and develop and enter these new phases of development. It's really amazing to me in general, and it's just so cool going through it with my own child because I see it from a totally different perspective.

So things aren't all bad by any stretch of the imagination, but they have certainly been stressful and insane and unbelievable, and after a long hard day of trying not to lose my mind, the last thing I have been able to do is check my e-mail or write a blog post. Believe it or not, I even took a leave of absence from my job, because while we need the money, I just don't have the time or energy to sit on the computer for more than 10 minutes at a go most days.

If you read this, you get a cookie, because damn this was long. But hey, now you can stop wondering where the heck I went.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

ec news.

So! I just wanted to update real quick on our elimination communication stuff, since I last talked about it here. If any of the diaper names I talk about aren't linked and you're curious, refer back there for more info.

Bee has been having a lot more pees in the potty. We still have a LOT of misses, but that's okay. We got these training pants, which I thought seemed like a great deal - 15 training pants for $30? Woot! They aren't waterproof, but that's okay. If we're going out I just throw a Thirsties cover over them.

So I have her in those for most of the day. I still use the Kissaluv fitteds with Thirsties if I need her in a diaper, and the Happy Heinys remain our going out/nighttime diaper. The Kissaluv contours and Snappis have been put away. I still love them and all, but I'm finding the underpants to be much easier.

Lately she's been resisting peeing in the Ikea potty, so I often just take her to the sink and hold her in a seated position with her knees up and cue her. This is great because she can look at herself in the mirror, which provides entertainment. Vain baby! Some days I can catch nearly all of her pees and some days I feel like I miss them all by minutes. One interesting thing? She's been keeping pretty dry OVERNIGHT (wtf?) and peeing in the potty tons as soon as she wakes up. Isn't that odd? I thought that was the last step in graduating from diapers. But no, she'll pee in her pants sometimes all day long and then hold it all night. *shrug* I'm not going to attempt to understand, or assume that it will last, since she is in such a changing phase of development.

Since her poop has become different since increasing her solid food intake, she's been resisting pooping on the potty as well. She likes to pull up and stand in a corner (no eye contact while pooping, lol) and poop there. But usually if I see her pulling up in such a way that she can't look at me, I know I have to take her to the potty. If I'm like "OH MY GOSH WAIT COME HERE AND POOP" then she freaks out and will hold it in. But if I calmly just put her on the potty and immediately distract her by reading her book after book, she'll chill out and go.

So even though we're facing a step back with poop, and we're having a lot of misses with pee, it's still going decently. Getting the undies on and off her to pee or change is so much easier than lying her down for a diaper change, especially with contours and Snappis and covers. I can get these on and off while she's crawling away.

As for diapers themselves, the fitteds are my reigning favorite for that same reason. I can button them up and pull them on like underpants, which is easier than getting this wiggly baby to lie down long enough to get a diaper on her.

I still have all this other stuff to post about, but I think I am slowly catching up to where I want to be.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

i want to be more regular.

And I don't mean by upping my fiber content; I mean posting more frequently on this blog.

Once again, the past few weeks have been crazy. Before I get into that, let me do a quick Bee milestone recap, since that is my primary purpose here.

First of all, as I said in this post, she is definitely saying hi. Witnesses agree. The "hi" has become much clearer. She sounds almost Southern, drawling slightly as she says it, which is odd considering she is a New Englander, born and raised. Oh, I am chuckling far too much at myself for the "born and raised" thing; I need more rest. Anyway. I know I told you about this already, but I am confirming that it is true since I was unsure last time. I thought that first words tended to be nouns. Bee is extremely social, so "Hi" as a first word seems fitting.

On July 16 (why did I forget to mention this in the other post?), she figured out how to pull up on objects to a standing position all by herself. On July 27, she began crawling. She just started, out of nowhere, and combined with the pulling up, we are in a whole new world of parenting. She is FAST, folks. FAST!!!

My days are generally spent trying to get verboten items out of her hands or worse, her mouth. I cannot tell you how hard she cried when I swiped a piece of carpet fuzz off the FRESHLY-VACUUMED FLOOR from her mouth. You would think that she had seized upon a chocolate-covered doughnut or something and I wrenched it away from her before she had the chance to enjoy it.

On July 31, we had our first ER visit. Short version of the story: Bee woke up with a very low-grade fever the morning we were supposed to go to Cape Cod. I thought it was teething, but it spiked up to 103. We went to an urgent care center and were referred on to the ER. After much Bee poking and prodding, including taking blood from both arms and inserting a catheter for a urine test, we learned that she had hand, foot, and mouth disease.

On July 29 (?? someone make sure I go back and double-check, I think I might be wrong), I left her alone with a non-family member for the first time while I ran out to the dentist.

On August 6, we went to the Cape Cod - first family vacation! On August 7, she cut her second tooth, which made the vacation start off rather interestingly.

On August 13, she had her first haircut, which I am still adjusting to. She looks adorable, but I miss her sideswept emo bangs.

On August 17, we left her alone for her first big stretch. Okay, not alone, but I mean, without either parent. And she'd been without us during appointments of mine and such, but only for a short while. On the 17th, we left her with my parents for nearly 9 hours. She did beautifully, and to be honest with you, she was way better for them than she usually is for me.

She is now 8 months old and eating finger foods like a champ. She's sleeping better than she used to (yay!) and more or less on a schedule. She flips through book pages now before eating them, and follows the sound of our voice and crawls after us if she can't see us. She lets go with both hands when she's pulled up to stand on things, tries to balance for a second, and then lands on her bottom.

Interestingly, she seems to have given up on signing. When she wants milk, she makes this new cough/giggle/whine sound as I unhook my nursing tank/bra. For everything else she might need (besides her need to say "hi" to everyone in the world), she fusses or cries. Heh. I think I need to try to encourage the signs more. Dude is much better at that than I am, which is weird because I used to work with babies and encouraging them to sign was a big deal to me.

That's the low-down on Bee. So I know I said "Before I get into that," which would mean that now that I'm done, the "before" part is over and I am to go into the craziness of the past few weeks.

However, it is much later than I thought it was, and I would really like to be at least moderately rested for the day tomorrow. So I am off to bed. I will tell you about the craziness next time.

Monday, July 28, 2008

a day in the life of super WAHM.

Recently (read: last week), I made the anxiety-inducing transition from stay-at-home mom to work-at-home mom. Planning is my forte, so mid-week I sketched out what seemed like a typical day...

The Plan:
7:00 - Wake up. Get ready for the day. Eat a hearty breakfast while Dude (the hubby) takes care of diapering and dressing Bumblebee (the 7-month-old). Nurse Bumblebee if needed. Exercise while Bee plays in the playpen, monitored by a Dude getting ready for work. Shower. Get dressed.
7:45 - Prepare work station. Make sure everything is together for the day's needs and that Bee has plenty of toys to play with and no access to anything dangerous.
8:00 - Relieve Dude of Bee duties. Engage in fun bonding time with Bee that stimulates her emotional, mental, and intellectual well-being. Smooch Dude as he heads out the door to catch his train to work.
9:00 - Log online and IM Boss for the day's assignment. Catch up on e-mail while waiting to hear. Discover that the first assignment will begin at 10, due at 11.
9:30 - Change and nurse Bee, then put her down to a nap. Smile maternally as she falls to sleep promptly at 9:45. Prepare for assignment.
10:00 - Start work on time. Do a terrific job. Finish up and find out that the next assignment will begin at 1, due at 2.
11:00 - Pick up and comfort a wakeful Bee. Check diaper and change if necessary. Play on the floor with blocks. Keep Bee very happy. Nurse as needed.
12:00 - Eat a nutritious, balanced lunch at the table with Bee in the high chair. Feed her cut up veggies from own lunch. Prepare a healthy snack to eat later while working.
12:30 - Get Bee settled with her toys. Marvel at what a calm, well-adjusted baby she is. Prepare for assignment.
1:00 - Start work on time. Do a terrific job. IM Boss to ask about next assignment. Rejoice upon hearing that there are no more assignments for the day.
2:00 - Change and nurse Bee, then put her down for a nap. Pat self on back when she falls asleep with no trouble. Eat snack. Tidy up around the house.
2:45 - Prepare a nutritious dinner that will be easy to heat upon Dude's arrival home. Make extra, figuring that leftovers will be for lunch tomorrow.
3:30 - Pick up a wakeful Bee. Go for a lovely walk to the library. Return books and get some new ones. Come home, hang out, nurse, and play.
6:00 - Dude comes home. Heat up dinner, portion out some veggies for Bee, and enjoy a calm family dinner. Relax with Dude and Bee.
7:30 - Bathe Bee and change her into PJs. Sing songs, read stories, and nurse. Exchange loving glance with Dude as Bee falls asleep. Enjoy a fun evening, watching "Coupling" on Netflix while munching on dessert.
11:00 - Go to bed, ready to do it all again tomorrow.

Sounds great, right? I thought so too!

The Reality:
7:00 - Hear alarm. Peer through one heavy-lidded eye as Dude wakes up and tends to the baby. Beg for five more minutes.
7:05 - Plead for five more minutes.
7:10 - Insist on five more minutes.
7:15 - Yell incoherently at Dude and ask to be left alone.
8:00 - Arise with a start. Find Dude and grouse at him for not getting you up sooner. Pick up a Bee that's desperate for milk and nurse. Leaf through a magazine while nursing. Lose track of time. Suddenly realize that Dude is running late, leaving you unexercised, unbreakfasted, and with unbrushed teeth.
8:45 - Leave a grumpy Bee wailing in the playpen. Use bathroom and brush teeth, feeling guilty while listening to the baby's cries. Do not bother to get dressed. Attempt unsuccessfully to console Bee, who demands to be held. Grab some Cheerios and snarf them.
9:00 - Set Bee on the floor and immediately pick her up when this leads to sobbing. IM Boss while Bee throws things off desk, tries to eat mouse, and helps out with typing. Discover that first assignment will begin at 10, due at 11. Feel stomach churn with Cheerios and anxiety.
9:15 - Change and nurse Bee, who falls asleep on the boob. Attempt to extricate self from her grip while keeping her asleep. Fail miserably. Set up Boppy on lap and let her nurse back to sleep. Frantically prepare for assignment while she sleeps. Pray to every deity out there that she will stay asleep until 11.
9:58 - Attempt not to cry when Bee wakes up cranky. Sit her on the floor. Unplug laptop and sit on the floor next to her. Get to work, handing toys or smooches to Bee as needed. Enjoy a small uninterrupted break of productivity. Glance at Bee, wondering why she is being so good. Discover her cheerfully eating cell phone. Wrestle it away amidst her tears. Hold her on lap.
11:00 - Finish assignment, just in time, only to be asked to cover someone else on a new assignment due at 12:30. War internally. Accept assigment out of desire to impress Boss and earn a bit of extra cash. Feel relieved when Bee has somehow cheered up and is enjoying her toys. Complete work. Learn that next assignment starts at 1, due at 2. Gulp.
12:30 - Change a soaked but happy Bee. Feel guilty for not changing her sooner. Nurse her. Lay her down for a nap.
1:00 - Start work with a growling, angry belly. Attempt to banish thoughts of food from mind. Worry about quality of work. Assume you suck as a worker and as a mother. Groan when Bee wakes up halfway through project. Wonder why Bee sleeps so poorly. Set her up on floor, sitting next to her with laptop.
2:00 - Finish assignment and rejoice at being done for the day. Stop Bee from progressing towards laptop wire with jaw unhinged. Eat canned soup at the desk, neglecting to give any to Bee. Reassure self that breastmilk is her primary source of nutrition anyway, and that she will be fed solids at dinner. Unable to stem hunger, eat popcorn, 2 apples, two scoops of frozen yogurt, a package of crackers, and far too much full-fat Dubliner cheese. Promise to restart Weight Watchers tomorrow.
3:00 - Attempt to nurse an uninterested Bee. Wonder if Bee is getting enough to eat. Feel cranky about full feeling in breasts. Wonder when the house got so messy. Feel defensive about it. Call Dude. Beg him to come home early, knowing full well he can't.
4:00 - Consider taking Bee to the library, just to get out of the house. Feel too cranky and low on energy. Lie down in bed with Bee and a trashy romance novel. Nurse her to sleep and read romance novel.
6:00 - Take a wakeful Bee to the front door to greet her daddy who has just arrived home. Realize that dinner was never made. Give Bee to Dude. Boil water and make pasta from a box with storebought sauce. Have Dude set Bee in playpen, sautee vegetables, and grate cheese. Wonder why Bee is always happier in playpen when Dude puts her there.
7:00 - Eat, giving Bee some veggies. Tell Dude about planned schedule versus actual day. Refrain from getting annoyed when Dude tries not to laugh. See the humor in it. Smile. Exchange stories about the day and the cuteness of the Bee. Realize the day was not that bad, as everyone is fed and happy and healthy.
8:00 - Notice the time. Feel guilty about lack of sleep routine. Notice how exhausted Bee suddenly looks. Skip bath. Feel guilty about putting a dirty baby to sleep. Sing songs, read stories, nurse. Realize Bee is overtired. Spend a billion years trying to cajole her to sleep. Doze off several times in the process. Decide that waking up late was the reason the day got away. Vow to get in bed no later than 11, no matter what.
9:30 - Success. Exit the room to find that Dude is happily drinking a beer. Feel a stab of irritation at the fact that Bee will not sleep for Dude and thus he can enjoy a beer rather than spend an hour and a half convincing a crabby, exhausted baby to sleep. Be snippy.
10:30 - Get into an argument over nothing. Realize pointlessness of argument. Wonder if we should go to bed or watch an episode of "Coupling." Decide to watch episode to lighten the mood and avoid going to bed mad. Vow to go to bed by 11:15 at the absolute latest.
11:00 - Groan when Netflix connection craps out mid-episode. Want to throw things. Rejoice when Dude cycles the router, fixing the problem. Dismiss pangs of annoyance about going to bed late. Enjoy episode.
11:30 - Get into bed. Perhaps the plan will work out tomorrow....

spice for women

For the next two weeks (and hopefully more!), please feel free to read my posts at mommyspice. The posts NOT written by me are pretty fabu too, so go ahead and check it out. Mine are the ones that say "Mama Bean" at the bottom, in case that isn't obvious enough. ;)

You know you want to.